Wednesday, August 6, 2008

When Words Are Not Enough

Today I find myself feeling inadequate.

If you've seen the front page of the Proverbs 31 Ministries website, , then you know of the loss of our dear friend, Anne Belk. I attended her funeral yesterday. I thought I'd cry, but I didn't. I just remained in thoughtful contemplation for the rest of the day. My mind raced from gratitude for a life well lived to questions about why this wonderful woman was taken from this earth way too soon. She has teenage children who need their mom. She has a husband who will now be sleeping alone. Friends will greatly miss her. Proverbs 31 Ministries will feel a void in our family. Yet, yesterday we celebrated. She loved life and was grateful for each day, even the bad ones. Faith and trust like this is not something that can be taught. I saw it though. And from watching her life, I learned a few things. From watching her death I learned a few things too.

When things like this happen, I automatically go into a thought process of what would my family do without me? What would I do if they went home to be with Lord now? Are we ready? Have I told them how much I love them and that they mean the absolute world to me? Do they know how proud I am to be their mom, wife, and friend? Have I taken the time to spend precious moments? Or am I wasting time? So much is on my mind.

I am grateful to have known Anne Belk. I saw Jesus in her. She made me smile. The empty chair at our board meetings will be a reminder of the heart she had for God and others. She lived her life with passion.

I am also grateful for my life. I pray others will see Jesus in me. I pray I can make people smile. I want to live my life with passion.

Eloquent words do not seem to flow from my fingers today. I'm just kind of in a relaxed state of peaceful thoughts. And that's what I hope I brought to you today. Words are just not enough to say what's in my mind and heart today.

Make your days count. You are a gift to this world. Hold the Hand of God and take off! Time is precious and it flies by.

"I have come so they may have life, and have it to the full." Jesus in John 10:10b

Let's live ours to the full, just like Anne did.

Anne, I love you and you are missed. I look forward to seeing you again. And when I do, I know we'll be smiling.

Much Love,



Joyful said...

Melissa, I'm so sorry for your loss. God uses death and funerals to make us remember the brevity of life. My heart is filled with questions. Am I living my life 24/7 for His honour and glory? Am I fulfilling the call He placed on my life before I was born? Am I living in daily surrender? When I hear testimony of the lives of saints before me it encourages me to embrace life deeper and live it fuller. We just don't know how long any of us we'll be here. Each day is a gift to treasure and to follow God in obedience.

Praying for you and thanking the Lord today for reminding me to go and 'love on' my family and friends.


Chef Diane said...

I am so sorry about this friend, she sounds like a wonderful sister in Christ. I have been touched by all the blogs that have been written about her.

Tonight I find myself in the depths of grief that I have never experienced before. I know the Father is there and will bring me through. I know this in my heart, but my head is having a hard time getting that to register. Tonight a horriable car accident happend only a 1/4 mile from my home. I was standing on the deck and heard it happen.
To sum it up the driver died on impact and the passanger was alive and status not know. My boys got on the ATV and went to see. The pictures they brough home told a horriable end to one man's life. I have been so burdened with grief that I didn't feel for this person. I understand the fact and feelings of death. But it bothered me tonight that I was indifferent to the death. It feels like my life is slipping away from me piece by piece and I can't grab the life line.
I don't want to use this blog as whine box. But sweet friend I honestly don't know I can get up after this knock down. Don't know if it is in me. I have nothing left in me to fight. What kind of legacy does that leave to my kids? I am trapped between stuffing it all or showing it to them. Hard to know which is the worst choice.
Thank you for being in cyber land and loving me anyway.