Posts
Don't worry. Pray. Receive peace. Be strong. Don't be afraid. The Lord is with you WHEREVER you go. Don't worry about tomorrow. Trust the Lord one day at a time.
There ya go! Just summed up the 4 verses listed above. These 4 verses have more than carried me and kept me calm during this very stormy time of my life. The storms have been raging and they've been totally out of my control. Of course the greatest storm, Hurricane Mama Has Cancer has brought the most stress and strain to my already challenging life. Do you wonder what I mean by challenging? Well, take a peak at my today.
On the way to the hospital today, Blake read me my morning devotion. It began with these words: "Stop worrying long enough to hear My voice." Well, he could've stopped right there. It's all I needed to hear. Just that reminder grounded me once again. I have been filled with peace (see previous post) during Hurricane Mama Has Cancer even though it's been everything but peaceful! Well, maybe I haven't ben filled with peace the whole time, but in the past month I have. The Lord has provided. Don't know why I doubt, ever. Besides the trial with Mom, life in general has been quite busy and unpredictable.
1. Get woken up by Dylan, my 12 yr old son, in severe pain. Fever 102. Ear swollen shut. (had to make an appt. to see doctor again. Then she sent him to ENT) Thank God Jeff could get him to his first appt and Jeff's mom got him to his 2nd.)
2. Go down stairs to make breakfast for the 8 kids sleeping in my house. On the way down, Becca, my niece, is looking pretty green. I said, "are you ok?" She said, "I think I'm going to throw up." And she did. After that she said she felt fine. Lovely.
3. Needed to get the kids (who were well) up to the hospital to see Mom before surgery. We took 2 cars because I was going to be staying at the hospital all day and night. Jeff and the kids visited and then left around 11. Jeff had to go back home and get Dylan for his ear appt. (see #1)
4. Mom was in her room until 12:30. Before she left for pre op, I prayed with her. She kept telling us all how much she loved us. She had tears in her eyes.
5. Denise got to the hospital right before Mom left. She and I went to the chapel. It was quiet and peaceful. We talked then prayed. I am still filled with peace. My Father has given that to me. I just love Him so much.
6. 6 hours later, still in the waiting room. My sister, Tricia is here too and my stepfather, Bud. Denise just left and Donna is on her way. I have such great friends. The surgery should last about 3 more hours.
7. Now I'm writing this blogpost as I wait.
If you are struggling with peace in your life in the midst of your uncontrollable circumstances, take a look at the 3 passages of Scripture I've referred to here. God is so very good. I love that He cares so much and I'm thankful He's given me the calm in the storm. I am only looking at this moment. I'm not looking ahead. I'm trusting Him for today. That mentality is working quite well.
I'll sign off here for now. Gotta tweet, FB, and check my email. Obsessive? Maybe. Good for passing time in the waiting room? Definitely.
Love to all my friends. Love y'all to pieces!
Love,
Melissa
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
I Am Humbled and Honored
I wasn't expecting to blog about this tonight. I was hoping to blog about Philippians 4:6-7. I've turned over my worries to prayers and truly God has replaced my fears with peace. I can't explain it, but I have the peace which surpasses all understanding. And I wanted to share that with my readers tonight.
Even though, I still have peace, my evening went much different than I expected.
I am here at the hospital with my Mom tonight. It's my turn to spend the night with her. Me and my sister are staying every other night. My Mom's journey has not gone how I would have wanted it to go, but we have found bright spots along the way. My Mom has had 5 surgeries in the past 3 weeks. There have been set backs. But I've managed to remain calm. I trust God. I put the situation in His Hands.
Tonight I was challenged. My Mom was sore and chaffed. I washed her full body. As I washed, she cried. She said, "No daughter should ever have to do this." However, I was honored to wash my mother. As I wiped the warm cloth over her body, I felt the love of Jesus saying, "I made this woman and I want her to feel clean. Thank you for washing her." It was my pleasure to wash her.
A little while later, an odor took over the room. Mom's colostomy bag had burst. Her linens and gown were soiled. She was embarrassed. I called for the nurse. 2 nurses came. They tended to Mom with care and allowed her to keep her dignity. I was so appreciative of that. They cleaned her up, changed her gown and sheets, and told her that everything was ok. They took their time in changing her bag, cleaning her up, and making her feel human and normal.
Yes, I have a peace that surpasses understanding, but I have to be honest. I hate what my Mom is going through. I hate it. I have never gone through anything like this in my life. I don't like that staying in the hospital almost feels normal. I don't like that I miss my family and our suburban lifestyle. I don't like that my Mom doesn't know what tomorrow will bring.
But God.
But God.
But God picked me. He picked me to have the honor to wash my Mom. He picked me to be humbled enough to clean her up. He picked me to have the calm and strength to be there for her. He picked me to have the priviledge to give back a little of what she's given to me over the years. And I am honored and humbled.
God is enough. I couldn't do what I'm doing, feel how I'm feeling, or get through what I am going through without Him. I have peace. And that is only from God.
Many Blessings and Much Love,
Melissa
****Mom has another surgery on Thursday, July 9th. Thank you for your prayers.
Even though, I still have peace, my evening went much different than I expected.
I am here at the hospital with my Mom tonight. It's my turn to spend the night with her. Me and my sister are staying every other night. My Mom's journey has not gone how I would have wanted it to go, but we have found bright spots along the way. My Mom has had 5 surgeries in the past 3 weeks. There have been set backs. But I've managed to remain calm. I trust God. I put the situation in His Hands.
Tonight I was challenged. My Mom was sore and chaffed. I washed her full body. As I washed, she cried. She said, "No daughter should ever have to do this." However, I was honored to wash my mother. As I wiped the warm cloth over her body, I felt the love of Jesus saying, "I made this woman and I want her to feel clean. Thank you for washing her." It was my pleasure to wash her.
A little while later, an odor took over the room. Mom's colostomy bag had burst. Her linens and gown were soiled. She was embarrassed. I called for the nurse. 2 nurses came. They tended to Mom with care and allowed her to keep her dignity. I was so appreciative of that. They cleaned her up, changed her gown and sheets, and told her that everything was ok. They took their time in changing her bag, cleaning her up, and making her feel human and normal.
Yes, I have a peace that surpasses understanding, but I have to be honest. I hate what my Mom is going through. I hate it. I have never gone through anything like this in my life. I don't like that staying in the hospital almost feels normal. I don't like that I miss my family and our suburban lifestyle. I don't like that my Mom doesn't know what tomorrow will bring.
But God.
But God.
But God picked me. He picked me to have the honor to wash my Mom. He picked me to be humbled enough to clean her up. He picked me to have the calm and strength to be there for her. He picked me to have the priviledge to give back a little of what she's given to me over the years. And I am honored and humbled.
God is enough. I couldn't do what I'm doing, feel how I'm feeling, or get through what I am going through without Him. I have peace. And that is only from God.
Many Blessings and Much Love,
Melissa
****Mom has another surgery on Thursday, July 9th. Thank you for your prayers.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
The Beach is Therapeutic
It is!!!! I've been here since Saturday, June 27th. Ahhh. From the moment I saw the surf and took a whif of the salty air, I was relaxed.
I'm with my husband's family. His parents. His grandmothers. His aunt. My children. What a blessing. As I watch all the interaction, I am just so thankful. We have age 7-91 here. How cool is that?
My family is great, but we have divorce on so many sides. We could never do a family beach trip involving so many generations. We have other great times, but a trip with 4 generations present will not happen on my side. I have been very observant on this trip. And I feel extremely blessed. I'm watching my family.....the interaction between the great grands and the grand kids. It's amazing. It's a blessing. I look at each one and think, "God created each one of these beautiful human beings for a purpose. And here they are together." I look at Hayley Grace, who is only 7, and watch her hold hands with her 86 year old great grandmother. It brings tears to my eyes. I hope I'm holding my great grand daughter's hand when I'm 86.
For the 1st 3 days here I literally, stayed in a beach surf chair during the day and just hung out with the family at night. Every day, I sat in a low seated beach chair where the water could wash up and cool me off. I read 2 books those 3 days. (A Bend in the Road and The Shack) "The Shack" overwhelmed me. In a good way. It has caused me to just talk to God nonstop. I love Him and I feel closer to Him. It is a must read in my opinion.
Before I came to the beach, I had been spending most nights at the hospital with my Mom. It was hard for me to leave her and come here. I felt a little guilty. Tricia, my sister, is now staying with Mom at night. Because she is here, I can be at the beach with my family. And oh, how I needed this.
We have celebrated 3 birthdays on this trip. Hayden turned 14 on June 29th. Big Granny turned 86 on July 1st. And Dylan turns 12 on July 2nd. Lots of cake, lots of celebration, lots of memories. Lots of treasures.
I feel like I have been to therapy, only therapy never felt so good. I needed this trip.
Tomorrow brings another day of surf, sand, wind, and relaxation. I hope to be able to relax and maybe even read another book before returning to reality!
Thank you for your prayers and love. Mom is still holding on.
Much Love,
Melissa
I'm with my husband's family. His parents. His grandmothers. His aunt. My children. What a blessing. As I watch all the interaction, I am just so thankful. We have age 7-91 here. How cool is that?
My family is great, but we have divorce on so many sides. We could never do a family beach trip involving so many generations. We have other great times, but a trip with 4 generations present will not happen on my side. I have been very observant on this trip. And I feel extremely blessed. I'm watching my family.....the interaction between the great grands and the grand kids. It's amazing. It's a blessing. I look at each one and think, "God created each one of these beautiful human beings for a purpose. And here they are together." I look at Hayley Grace, who is only 7, and watch her hold hands with her 86 year old great grandmother. It brings tears to my eyes. I hope I'm holding my great grand daughter's hand when I'm 86.
For the 1st 3 days here I literally, stayed in a beach surf chair during the day and just hung out with the family at night. Every day, I sat in a low seated beach chair where the water could wash up and cool me off. I read 2 books those 3 days. (A Bend in the Road and The Shack) "The Shack" overwhelmed me. In a good way. It has caused me to just talk to God nonstop. I love Him and I feel closer to Him. It is a must read in my opinion.
Before I came to the beach, I had been spending most nights at the hospital with my Mom. It was hard for me to leave her and come here. I felt a little guilty. Tricia, my sister, is now staying with Mom at night. Because she is here, I can be at the beach with my family. And oh, how I needed this.
We have celebrated 3 birthdays on this trip. Hayden turned 14 on June 29th. Big Granny turned 86 on July 1st. And Dylan turns 12 on July 2nd. Lots of cake, lots of celebration, lots of memories. Lots of treasures.
I feel like I have been to therapy, only therapy never felt so good. I needed this trip.
Tomorrow brings another day of surf, sand, wind, and relaxation. I hope to be able to relax and maybe even read another book before returning to reality!
Thank you for your prayers and love. Mom is still holding on.
Much Love,
Melissa
Monday, June 29, 2009
Emotional
I was looking for a word to describe me lately. Emotional is all I could come up with. I have experienced so many emotions over the past 2-3 weeks, I feel like I could've been 15 different people. But also though, I feel like I haven't felt at all. I know that makes no sense. But much of the time I've felt numb. And the numbness has been a gift from God. At times I think if I could've "felt" what I was really feeling, I would be a basket case. Maybe gone over the edge.
I have not blogged in quite some time. The last time I blogged my Mom was getting ready to go into the hospital. She's now been in there for 1 and 1/2 weeks and will probably be there for another couple weeks. She had major surgery, the first of it's kind. And it was successful. But there is recovery and rehab. But when it's all said and done, this cancer is gone and there will be just the lung cancer to deal with.
But let me say this. Seeing my Mom go through so much has been excruciating on me. I can't take it, yet I can. This woman who I love is suffering. She's too young. And she blames herself. She keeps apologizing to me. It kills me. But I put up a front. I wear a mask to cover the pain. I think my Mom does too.
I'm at the beach now. After staying in the hospital 6 nights with Mom, I was given the blessing of a break. Friends and family are stepping up to help out. My sister is here from Dallas, TX. My mother in law has stayed with my Mom for 2 nights. Donna is keeping all the dogs (mine and Mom's). Denise has volunteered to stay with Mom one night. Cindy stayed with Mom last night. Aunt Gloria stayed on Sat. I'm so thankful for all of them. I've been at the beach for 2 days now. I have to admit, I felt guilty for coming. But I also know I was worn out and almost ready to crack. The break is good and I'm so thankful for all of the help. I'm really glad to have my sister here.
So, what are my emotions right now? Well, I went on a walk today. Down the beach in the middle of the day. I was thinking about Mom. I was thinking about life. I was thinking about losing my Mom. I was thinking about the loss of life. I got really sad for the first time. My breathing got heavy. I was somewhat angry for having to deal with this. But I also understand that the Master has a plan. I returned to peace.
I just started reading "The Shack" today. I'm half way through it and I can't wait to read the rest. I can tell it's life changing. There are so many lines I've highlighted in the book already that I plan to write about later.
I don't really know what I've written thus far. Hope it made some sense. Today is my 2nd child's birthday. He is 14. Hayden is 14. God bless him. And I thank God for him.
Now I must go. I am watching "wrastlin" with my husband's grandmothers. What a hoot. One is 87 and the other 92. This time with them is priceless! I can't quit laughing! We have 4 generations right here. Watchin' "wrastlin". Lovely!
Blessings,
Melissa
I have not blogged in quite some time. The last time I blogged my Mom was getting ready to go into the hospital. She's now been in there for 1 and 1/2 weeks and will probably be there for another couple weeks. She had major surgery, the first of it's kind. And it was successful. But there is recovery and rehab. But when it's all said and done, this cancer is gone and there will be just the lung cancer to deal with.
But let me say this. Seeing my Mom go through so much has been excruciating on me. I can't take it, yet I can. This woman who I love is suffering. She's too young. And she blames herself. She keeps apologizing to me. It kills me. But I put up a front. I wear a mask to cover the pain. I think my Mom does too.
I'm at the beach now. After staying in the hospital 6 nights with Mom, I was given the blessing of a break. Friends and family are stepping up to help out. My sister is here from Dallas, TX. My mother in law has stayed with my Mom for 2 nights. Donna is keeping all the dogs (mine and Mom's). Denise has volunteered to stay with Mom one night. Cindy stayed with Mom last night. Aunt Gloria stayed on Sat. I'm so thankful for all of them. I've been at the beach for 2 days now. I have to admit, I felt guilty for coming. But I also know I was worn out and almost ready to crack. The break is good and I'm so thankful for all of the help. I'm really glad to have my sister here.
So, what are my emotions right now? Well, I went on a walk today. Down the beach in the middle of the day. I was thinking about Mom. I was thinking about life. I was thinking about losing my Mom. I was thinking about the loss of life. I got really sad for the first time. My breathing got heavy. I was somewhat angry for having to deal with this. But I also understand that the Master has a plan. I returned to peace.
I just started reading "The Shack" today. I'm half way through it and I can't wait to read the rest. I can tell it's life changing. There are so many lines I've highlighted in the book already that I plan to write about later.
I don't really know what I've written thus far. Hope it made some sense. Today is my 2nd child's birthday. He is 14. Hayden is 14. God bless him. And I thank God for him.
Now I must go. I am watching "wrastlin" with my husband's grandmothers. What a hoot. One is 87 and the other 92. This time with them is priceless! I can't quit laughing! We have 4 generations right here. Watchin' "wrastlin". Lovely!
Blessings,
Melissa
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Pray For Mom!
To anyone who reads this,My Mom is having major surgery at 7:30 am, Thursday, June 18, 2009. She is having a colostomy and hopefully the surgeon will be able to remove all the cancer in that area. Pray for that please!
She still has lung cancer, but if this other cancer can be controlled, she can atleast live without pain. I'll be updating all day tomorrow on the blogs, FaceBook ( http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home#/melissa.r.taylor?ref=profile ), Twitter ( http://twitter.com/MelissaRTaylor ) , and my mom's CaringBridge site ( http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/beckynunn1/journal ).
Thank you for your prayers.
Love,
Melissa
She still has lung cancer, but if this other cancer can be controlled, she can atleast live without pain. I'll be updating all day tomorrow on the blogs, FaceBook ( http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home#/melissa.r.taylor?ref=profile ), Twitter ( http://twitter.com/MelissaRTaylor ) , and my mom's CaringBridge site ( http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/beckynunn1/journal ).
Thank you for your prayers.
Love,
Melissa
****Edit, Thurs, June 18th, 2:03 pm EST
I updated Mom's CaringBridge site with the details from her surgery. Click the CaringBridge link above if you want details. And thank you from the bottom of my heart for your prayers. I was lifted by them. Out of this trial, for me, the biggest blessing has come in the form of prayers by friends, co-workers (who are also friends), and people I've never even met before (like many of you) who I also consider friends. Thank you so much! If I could, I'd hug you all real big right now!
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Devotion running today...
I have a devotion running today. It's called "Once...Always." You can check it out here: http://proverbs31devotions.blogspot.com/2009/06/once-always.html . Then read my follow up on my other blog, http://beautifulp31.blogspot.com/2009/06/who-are-you.html. I'd love to hear your comments and thoughts.
Today I am still basking in the wonderful time I had at my Mom's. She was in a great mood and little pain. What a blessing! Me and kids visited. My friend, Donna, and her daughter, Sydney, came too. My mom's hubby, Bud, cooked hamburgers on the grill. We had watermelon. We had a great time together. Her surgery is this Thursday. Please keep her in your prayers.
Thanks a bunch!
Love,
Melissa
Today I am still basking in the wonderful time I had at my Mom's. She was in a great mood and little pain. What a blessing! Me and kids visited. My friend, Donna, and her daughter, Sydney, came too. My mom's hubby, Bud, cooked hamburgers on the grill. We had watermelon. We had a great time together. Her surgery is this Thursday. Please keep her in your prayers.
Thanks a bunch!
Love,
Melissa
Friday, June 12, 2009
Fun Friday
It's Friday. And I guess it's been fun. This has been a crazy week. Mostly good, very busy. Are my weeks any other way?
It's late. 11:30ish as I write. I'm going back and forth between email, twitter, facebook, and my blog. I'm also watching a movie with Hayden, my 13 yr old son (Shredderman Rules). There are others in the room, but they have drifted off. So, I guess I'm multi-tasking.
Earlier tonight, Hayley Grace had dress rehearsal for her dance recital. Friday nights are usually reserved for doing NOTHING! "Nothing" didn't start until around 10:30 due to the rehearsal. Tomorrow will be busy as well. Hayden is attending a bat mitzvah, Hayley Grace is attending Sydney's 9th birthday party (Happy Birthday Syd!), and our family is celebrating Dylan's 5th grade graduation. Sunday we will go to church in the morning and HG's dance recital in the afternoon. Then............rest. Right? LOL!
Some great news came our way this week. About my mom. Check it out here: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/beckynunn1. Click "journal" to get the latest update. It is really good for a change!
Are you having fun? Has summer officially started for you? What are you doing this summer? Let me know!
And have a blessed and beautiful weekend!
Love you much,
Melissa
It's late. 11:30ish as I write. I'm going back and forth between email, twitter, facebook, and my blog. I'm also watching a movie with Hayden, my 13 yr old son (Shredderman Rules). There are others in the room, but they have drifted off. So, I guess I'm multi-tasking.
Earlier tonight, Hayley Grace had dress rehearsal for her dance recital. Friday nights are usually reserved for doing NOTHING! "Nothing" didn't start until around 10:30 due to the rehearsal. Tomorrow will be busy as well. Hayden is attending a bat mitzvah, Hayley Grace is attending Sydney's 9th birthday party (Happy Birthday Syd!), and our family is celebrating Dylan's 5th grade graduation. Sunday we will go to church in the morning and HG's dance recital in the afternoon. Then............rest. Right? LOL!
Some great news came our way this week. About my mom. Check it out here: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/beckynunn1. Click "journal" to get the latest update. It is really good for a change!
Are you having fun? Has summer officially started for you? What are you doing this summer? Let me know!
And have a blessed and beautiful weekend!
Love you much,
Melissa
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)