Monday, June 1, 2009

Feeling Numb???

Hey. I have question marks behind the title of this post because I'm questioning my feelings. I don't have any right now! Have you ever felt numb and kind of just like you are going through the motions? That's how I feel right now.

I was talking to my friend, Donna, today. She said, "Are you okay Melissa? You don't seem like yourself." My husband, Jeff, also commented to me today, "Melsa (he calls me Melsa), tell me what's up. You don't seem like you are yourself today. Are you alright? Talk to me."

How did they know? Isn't it cool that your bestest of friends know you so well? Because without really realizing it, I was hiding. Hiding my emotions behind the busyness of life.

And that's what I do. When life gets tough, which it is, I just shut down my emotions and do what I have to do. I plan. I multitask. I do whatever I can actually "do". And I keep myself occupied so I don't have to "feel". Do you know what I mean?

I remember hearing the phrase "comfortably numb" in a song. I can't even remember which one. Maybe Duran Duran...not sure. But sometimes I hide behind a "comfortably numb" feeling. I choose comfortably numb so I don't have to face how I'm really feeling. Or I choose it so I can keep functioning and tending to the work I have set before me.

I'm so thankful that Donna and Jeff recognize when I slip into that numb and busyness state. Each of them reached out. Donna sent me an E-Card, which meant the world to me. Jeff asked me to join him outside tonight to get away from the kids and "life". We just sat and talked. I even cried a bit. But it was good. My my, how am I supposed to act when my mom is dying? This is new to me. And I don't like it. But I'm hangin on to Jesus. I love Jesus.

I am used to being an encourager. In fact that's why I write each of my blogs. It is not comfortable for me to be on the receiving end of encouragement. I prefer the opposite. And that's why lately I feel a little numb. I'm in unfamiliar territory.

Have you gone through experiences that left you feeling numb?




Joyful said...

Melissa....I KNOW exactly what you mean. I could have written this right now. No feeling. I get that completely!!! Just Sunday I wrote this:

I think you'll relate.

I too am an encourager...and it's hard to give from a source of nothing right now.
Love ya..praying for you. HUGS!

Cazandra said...

I do know what you mean. I struggle with depression and when I feel that way it's usually a sign that I am slipping into places I don't need to go.

You are dealing with a lot of things right now and watching your mother with her illness has to be devastating.

You did the right thing last night. Get outside with your hubby, go on walks, try and get some fresh perspective each day.

The important thing is to KEEP MOVING. Don't let the enemy get you.

Blessings to you,

Cheri Bunch said...

Sometimes I think this kind of numbness is like an anesthetic that the Lord puts on us to get through such difficult times. It is like an emotional form of shock and is part of our survival mode. Some call it grace.....grace to get through. I think it is in these times that He carries us Deuteronomy 1:31.

The problem is, we can so easily slip from it's protection into an unbalanced state and go into depression. I will be praying that you don't get swallowed by that enemy.

What a blessing to have your husband and friend that are sensitive to you right now. I trust that the Lord will use them and others to help get you through.

I have gone through some of these dark valleys and I know that it is so hard to see straight! It seems like such a darkness, though you trust you are in His perfect light.

During one of my tough seasons a friend gave me a little devotional called Streams in the Desert which was like the breath of God to me. I highly recommend it.

Blessings, friend.

I am praying for you!


Melissa said...

Thank You so much for your care, love, and concern. I am more aware than ever about the numb turning to depression. Been there done that many times. I truly think the numbness I feel right now is a gift from God so I can deal with the many tasks at hand. I am not shutting down, in fact just the opposite.

I took a walk yesterday afternoon just for the purpose of getting my head outdoors. I went again this morning. Probably why I feel good today.

Thanks again. I treasure your encouragement more than you know!

Cheri Bunch said...

Thank you for your kind words of encouragement today, Melissa, my P31 COACH! I believe He is hearing our prayers for one another! He is near to the brokenhearted!

I am writing from my sunroom. Oh, the healing balm of fresh air and sunshine!

Thank you for adding Brock on the Fabulous prayer team's list. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Because HE Lives!!!!!!


Teresa @ Grammy Girlfriend said...

I so know that "numbness" and your post could have been mine...Blessings to you....

Andresa said...

Comfortably Numb....Pink Floyd ;0)

I sat with my Grandmother while she was dying of cancer...I know your pain...I am so thankful to hear you are feeling better as it gets. May God give you strength, love, and peace during this hard time for you and your family.

Paula (SweetPea) said...

Yes, I do know the numb feeling.

You are blessed to have a best bud and hubs to know you so well and see something wrong. God forgive my envy of this.

I'm sorry to hear of your mom's illness. I'm only guessing from your comment but haven't followed you to know.

PS I was surprised to see when I clicked on "Melissa" on your comment in my email to see it's you. I thought to myself "wow, THE Melissa Taylor of P31. How did she ever find me?" I nice surprise.

In Him,

Rosa said...

Yes, I do!

I can think of three different occassions where "feeling Numb" was an understatement. The first time was on Christmas Day 1996, when my husband committed suicide. The second time was on 2005, when my daughter got arrested at the International Bridge for possession of 91 lbs of cocaine., and last but not least, was only two week ago, when my 18 year old son was suicidal for not being able to graduate from High School ( and girlfriend broke up with him). I can say today that the Lord gave me "awsome" blessings trhough those trials that I would have never dreamed of... hang in there and wait upon the Lord to direct your path.....

Melissa said...

Isnt' it amazing how we can all relate to this...hmmmm, I feel a devotion coming on!

Seriously, thanks so much for sharing. Just knowing others understand is a blessing! You all have blessed me today!

Wendy Blight said...


So thankful the Lord has a wonderful weekend planned for you. It is His perfect timing.

I pray that as you sit under the stars with people you love, listening to AWESOME music sung by those you enjoy, you will come alive in an amazing way. I pray you feel the words to the songs down to the marrow of your bones, you will laugh and cry, you will ENJOY life free of its worries. I pray you will be "free" of your worries through the power of the Holy Spirit that fills every part of your being!!!

Love you!


Kelly said...

I think "comfortably numb" comes from a Pink Floyd song, but I can't remember which album....
I can relate, I tend to get in that mode at work sometimes, because I am overwhelmed with so much to do, I just sort of shut down to not totally stress out....

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