How's Your Marriage? How Are You?

My question today stems from a devotion I wrote a few weeks back. I revealed portions of my past which still affect my marriage today. I continued with a part 2 dealing with my struggle with intimacy. I continued even further by blogging about more recent trials in my marriage. This opened up great discussion, comments, and questions flowing out of the hearts of women who could relate. I ended my blog post by saying that my marriage is in a really good place now. To that, questions and comments posed to me went something like this: "How did it get there?" "What if your husband won't go to counseling?" "I don't love my husband anymore, what do I do?" "My husband doesn't make me feel good, he doesn't even notice me, what do I do?" "I'm exhausted from trying to be happy." "What if your husband is not a Christian?" "That's great for you, but what about me?"

My honest answer to all of these is the same........"I don't know."

Now doesn't that make you feel better? But it's the truth. I wish I had answers. I can only share my story. I try to not give advice or counseling, because I'm not a trained professional. And I'm not in your shoes. All I can do, it just tell you about what I know. It sounds so simple, and I know it's not. It's very hard. But what I know is that Jesus sees, cares, loves, and never abandons.

One thing that helped me greatly, besides counseling and professional help, was my prayer life. I know it sounds simple. And I know you've probably heard this before. But I'm going to say it anyway.

For years, I spent my time praying for God to change Jeff. I think I blamed Jeff for me not feeling good about myself. I thought, if he would only pay more attention to me, if he would just be more romantic, I wish he understood me, he loves his work more than me, I wish he would read the Bible with me or pray with me, and I could go on. Finally, I realized that one of the biggest barriers in my marriage was me. Not only was I a nag and a pathetic complainer (a little self righteous as well), but I was also in God's way. God could not begin to work on Jeff with me in the way.

I bought Stormie O'Martian's book, Power of a Praying Wife. I was absolutely floored when the first thing she suggested I pray for was myself. I bought the book to change Jeff through my prayers, not to change me. That really opened my eyes. I learned that I needed to step out of the way. In fact, maybe God didn't want to change my husband, maybe He really wanted to change me! Who knows, but I decided to focus on what God could and would do through me. Instead of trying to figure out how God's Word applied to everyone else (especially Jeff), I focused on how it applied to me. Voila! Welcome change. And a good one.

I still overstep my boundaries, but not as much as I used to. I realized that I was only bringing my husband down. I began praying for Jeff, but I stayed out of the way. There was no miraculous quick improvement, but when I look back to when I first made the decision to think more of my place in my marriage and this world and began to work on me...when I compare who I am today and where my marriage is today vs. where it was then...well, Wow! Night and Day.

I am a wife. But even before that, I am a child of God. I belong to Jesus Christ. I pray my marriage lasts forever, but I have no guarantee of that. I have the guarantee that my relationship with Jesus will. That's the relationship I need to work on first. Amazingly, when that one is right, the rest falls in place. It doesn't mean that all is well, but it means I am well.

Instead of asking the question, "How is my marriage?" First ask, "How am I?"

And I thank you Jeff, for allowing me to write about us, our personal struggles and triumphs, even when it's no fun to look back at the yucky. I'm so thankful we've moved on to yummy:) You are a wonderful husband. Thanks for loving me. I love you too:)

I'm praying for marriages today. Blessings!

Love,

Melissa

When Words Are Not Enough

Today I find myself feeling inadequate.

If you've seen the front page of the Proverbs 31 Ministries website, http://proverbs31.gospelcom.net/ , then you know of the loss of our dear friend, Anne Belk. I attended her funeral yesterday. I thought I'd cry, but I didn't. I just remained in thoughtful contemplation for the rest of the day. My mind raced from gratitude for a life well lived to questions about why this wonderful woman was taken from this earth way too soon. She has teenage children who need their mom. She has a husband who will now be sleeping alone. Friends will greatly miss her. Proverbs 31 Ministries will feel a void in our family. Yet, yesterday we celebrated. She loved life and was grateful for each day, even the bad ones. Faith and trust like this is not something that can be taught. I saw it though. And from watching her life, I learned a few things. From watching her death I learned a few things too.

When things like this happen, I automatically go into a thought process of what would my family do without me? What would I do if they went home to be with Lord now? Are we ready? Have I told them how much I love them and that they mean the absolute world to me? Do they know how proud I am to be their mom, wife, and friend? Have I taken the time to spend precious moments? Or am I wasting time? So much is on my mind.

I am grateful to have known Anne Belk. I saw Jesus in her. She made me smile. The empty chair at our board meetings will be a reminder of the heart she had for God and others. She lived her life with passion.

I am also grateful for my life. I pray others will see Jesus in me. I pray I can make people smile. I want to live my life with passion.

Eloquent words do not seem to flow from my fingers today. I'm just kind of in a relaxed state of peaceful thoughts. And that's what I hope I brought to you today. Words are just not enough to say what's in my mind and heart today.

Make your days count. You are a gift to this world. Hold the Hand of God and take off! Time is precious and it flies by.

"I have come so they may have life, and have it to the full." Jesus in John 10:10b

Let's live ours to the full, just like Anne did.

Anne, I love you and you are missed. I look forward to seeing you again. And when I do, I know we'll be smiling.

Much Love,


Melissa

No Need to Pretend

First off, Hayley Grace had a great 7th birthday! I'll post pictures at a later time.

And now. On my mind today...pretending. I observed my sweet grown up 7 year old this weekend. She was pretending to be a rock star. She wore the sunglasses, tossed her hair around, strutted and sang her favorite Mylie Cyrus/Hannah Montana tunes. She was NOT Hayley Grace. Understand that. For that moment in time, she was Hannah Montana. She was pretending. And why not? Being a rich and famous rock star seems much more fun than being "just Hayley Grace"! (Her words not mine.)

Watching this innocent playtime, brought my thoughts to a more serious subject. Pretending. Not as a young child, but a full grown woman. Do you ever pretend? Maybe you don't call it pretending, but don't you find yourself putting on a front or a pleasant everything is okay face occasionally? I do. I admit it. I pretend sometimes. Why? Because I don't think I'm good enough the way I am.

When I get quiet with the Lord, I know that I am good enough. His Word tells me so. But the world doesn't tell me so. I get criticized. I receive comments that bring me down. I hear a friend talk about me. Or my husband points something out that is hurtful. My kids misbehave in public. I'm on medication for anxiety and depression. I don't want anyone to know these things. Pretending is necessary, right? BIG FAT WRONG!

My Princess...Be Real With Me,

You are precious and beautiful to Me. You never need to
pretend to be something other than who I made you to be. I don't want you to try to impress Me by pretending that all is perfect in your life, My love. I want you to find great freedom in being real with Me. The
more real you become, the better you will relate to others. No more
pretending, My princess. I love you just the way you are, and I want you to be real with Me in all you do and say. I gave My life for you so you could live free to be yourself. Don't let anyone steal your joy by turning you into something fake. Be true to yourself and be true to Me, because I love the real you.

Love,
Your True King

"Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is,
there is freedom." 2 Cornithians 3:17 (NIV)

(Sheri Rose Shepherd, "His Princess...")


Now, if we can be ourselves before the Creator of all things, the mighty and powerful God of this universe, then surely we can be ourselves before the other people around us. What I've found out about putting up a front is that it's exhausting. Just like Hayley Grace eventually tires of being Hannah Montana and goes back to being just "plain Hayley Grace", we will grow tired of trying to be someone we are not. Just plain me is actually ok.

I know I will never please everyone and I will mess up...a lot, but that's life. I try to learn from it. I'd like it if my life were a little neater and prettier, but it is what it is. I'm good with that.

No need to pretend. Are you with me?

Lots of Love,

Melissa

Fun Friday:)

Is it Friday already???? Well, yes it is, so welcome to Fun Friday. On Fridays I'll be posting identical entries on my blogs. These entries will not be too serious, but hopefully be a little lighter and bring a smile to your face.

As I try to think of something fun to write about, I'll just write some random thoughts.
Oh yea, and before I do that, let me say a whoppin' THANK YOU to you who wrote 10 Great Things about yourself from earlier this week (on http://www.beautifulp31.blogspot.com/). I prayed and thanked God for you and each of your fine qualities. You are truly beautiful people! God Bless You!

And, thanks for the comments that came in yesterday in response to my devo, My Thoughts vs. God's Word. Who knew that I would need those Truths so desperately today! (Well, God did) I came under a little criticsm today and I needed those Truths. I'm sad so many women can relate to all I've shared, but I have to admit that it is comforting to know I'm not alone.

A few people asked where they could find my magazine article on my experience with anxiety and depression. It will be featured in the November, 2008 issue of the P31 Woman. I guess I wasn't too clear about that.

Some exciting news that I wasn't going to announce, but I guess I will. I'm starting ANOTHER blog. Yes, as if I don't have enough of them already. The Lord has impressed my heart to reach out to teen girls. The recent writing responses confirmed what I thought God wanted me to do for some time. I'll get more into the story behind it all over the next few weeks. But on August 25th, I'll launch a new blog, "Beautiful Girl", specifically for teen girls. Details to follow:)

Ok, I know of more fun. Speaking of a "Beautiful Girl", tomorrow is Hayley Grace's birthday. Happy Birthday Beautiful Girl!!! My sweet daughter turns 7 and I can't believe it. I opened today with the words, "Is it Friday already?" now I feel like saying, "Is she 7 already?" Where did those years go? She's growing up to be such a strong, dramatic :), sweet, kind, and beautiful girl. Thank you Lord for giving us Hayley Grace. We were finished having kids, but You weren't. What an amazing blessing! So, tomorrow little Miss Birthday Girl calls all the shots. She'll begin her day with breakfast in bed. She requested doughnuts. She'll end it with a family party where buttered rice, mashed potatoes, and Hannah Montana cake will be served. Do we have our carbs covered do ya think? Whatever goes on in between will be her choice. It's her special day.

My love genuinely goes out to anyone who is reading this message. I pray you will find the fun in today and celebrate wonderful, beautiful, you!

Have a fun Friday! (Saturday and Sunday too!)

Blessings,

Melissa

My Thoughts vs. God's Word

Hi! I have a devotion running today, "My Thoughts vs. God's Word". Check it out at http://proverbs31devotions.blogspot.com/2008/07/my-thoughts-vs-gods-word.html . Then visit my other blog, http://beautifulp31.blogspot.com/2008/07/my-thoughts-vs-gods-word.html to post a comment. If you want, of course:)

Love,

Melissa

Move On!

I found this today on Sheri Rose Shepherd's website. I pray it is just what you needed today.


Its time to Move On to your New Life!
Are the mistakes you've made in the past destroying your present? When Jesus knelt before the woman accused of adultery, He wrote something in the sand that set her free from her accusers but it was his forgiveness that set her free to move on and make a fresh start. The Bible is full of real people who made choices to move on...

Move on from insecurity
Queen Esther…had to move on from her identity as a powerless orphan and accept God’s call to be queen. If she had focused on how unqualified she was to reign, she would have missed the opportunity to save the Jewish people and be a part of God’s great eternal plan for His chosen ones.

Move on from your past mistakes
King David…had to move on from his sins of adultery and murder. He cried out to God and received His forgiveness. God is so full of grace that He made something good out of David’s bad choice by giving him and Bathsheba King Solomon once they repented and moved on.

Move on from guilt
The Apostle Peter…had to move on when he failed to stand up for his Savior. Even though he loved Jesus passionately, Peter denied Him not once, not twice, but three times. When we let guilt keep us paralyzed from living out our purpose we are saying by our actions that the cross was not enough to set us free from guilt from our past mistakes.

Praise be to our God, we are a new creation. As far as the east is from the west is how far He has removed our sins from us—and remembers them no more. Do not let the devil whisper lies —let your Lord whisper His truth that you are totally forgiven and a brand New creation in Christ...A Pure Princess of the Lord

Don’t let your past torment you…let it teach you. Leave the past where it belongs…at the cross!

Have you given your past to Jesus? NO MATTER WHAT you are a "pure princess of the Lord". Pure. Washed clean.

If you have questions about what it means to know Jesus, please email me at: Melissa@MelissaTaylor.org. I would be honored to fill you in and share the truth with you. I want you to KNOW you are FREE, FORGIVEN, AMAZINGLY LOVED, AND ADORED, whether you feel like it or not. You can also click the "Got Jesus?" link in the sidebar of this blog for how you can begin a relationship with Christ today!

Love and Blessings,

Melissa

Mommy-Daughter Day:) Part 2

Yesterday I wrote about the wonderful day I had with my daughter Hayley Grace. We went on a picnic with a good friend and her daughter. In this picture, you see me with the beautiful girls, Sydney and Hayley Grace. It was just good to get away with "the girls". I asked Hayley Grace what she liked so much about "Mommy-Daughter Day" and she said, "well, I just like spending time with you." So simple. Simple.

Do you think that maybe our relationship with God is like that?


I know I don't have to earn Hayley Grace's love. She's in love with me because I'm her mommy. She adores me. And I adore her too. There's nothing she can do to change that. I may try to do many things to make her happy, like: buy her a candy treat, take her to see Hannah Montana, let her stay up late on Friday night, make her favorite meal, help her with her homework, give her special attention, or allow her to have friends over. She likes all these things. But what does she like the most about me? She likes to spend time with me. Simple.


When we went on our picnic Sunday, that's exactly what the day was all about. Spending time with Mommies, Daughters, and Friends. No frills. No special purchases. Just spending time.


And the night before, it was the same way. The Hannah Montana Concert was on TV. What was Hayley Grace's favorite part? "I liked that my mommy danced with me while we watched it."

Here we are on our "stage" (bar stools, coffee table, and ottoman...yes we jumped from stool to stool to ottoman,etc during the entire show!...and miraculously I never fell!).

















And here we are again. The photographer (Jeff) is in the loft taking the picture from the top. Did you know that you look thinner if you are looking up than down? Ha! That's why I used this picture here:)









I think it's the same way with our Father. We can do a lot of special services and special things for Him. But I think He really relishes our time with Him the most. Simple. Time. What more precious commodity do we have than time?


I enjoy making memories with Hayley Grace. I also enjoy making memories with God.


I truly believe that the Lord just wants some simple time with me. Often I try to complicate it. I think I have to have a perfect life to show Him. I think I need to bring Him an offering or pray a certain way. I think I need to do something really cool and special for Him. But I don't really. He just wants my time. Simply my time. My heart. My real true feelings. Time. Simple. Time. He loves me for who I am, not for what I do. "Just spend some time with Me, Melissa." That's what I hear Him saying.





This week, I want to give the Lord my time. Nothing else. Just my time. And He will be pleased with just that.

Over the past week, I've focused a lot on hearing from God. On letting go of the past. On being able to move on. This week, I just want to commit to spending time with the Lord. No expectations. Just simple time with God. I don't expect anything from Him and He doesn't expect anything from me.

Join me won't you? We've been through a lot of c_ap in our lives. We don't need to stay there. In fact we can't stay there. So, let's take the first step. Just "be" with God. No expectations. Just simple time with God.

He cares. He loves you. He made you for crying out loud! And just like Hayley Grace likes spending time with me, I think God likes spending time with you (and me).

Now, go spend some time with the One Who made you!
You are so beautiful and precious to Him.
Love,

Melissa

Just one more picture to hopefully bring a smile to your face! This may look like Hayley Grace Taylor, but it's really Hannah Montana!