I Love You

Good Day to ya! If you are here by way of the Proverbs 31 Devotion, I Love You, welcome. I have more of that story to share with you, plus I'm going to give away a book today also. I'm really glad you stopped by and I hope you'll share your thoughts with me.

Before I talk about my marriage, I just want to THANK all of you who posted yesterday or sent me emails. I have been pouring through your stories. Many times I have been brought to tears. There was such a great response to yesterday's devotion, I think Proverbs 31 Ministries is even going to run it on our Teen Blog sometime in the future.

Many of you thanked me for sharing and celebrated that I had "overcome" the baggage I've carried through my life and said you wished you could do that too. That's sweet, but I want you to know that I don't feel I've truly "overcome" anything. The devotion I wrote and you read yesterday was about my distant past, but a lot of it could be written about my present. I still struggle. I know, I mean I KNOW that God loves me unconditionally and that none of my past should have a hold on me. I know, I mean I KNOW that I am 100% free in Christ. I know, I mean I KNOW that I don't need to look for love or praise from anyone because God is enough. But like I said, it is my struggle. I have to read my Bible and I even have a few friends who have been sweet enough to make sure I remember all that I KNOW, because when the going gets tough, too often, Melissa falls apart ... again. That's why we really do need to have our quiet time (or whatever you call your time with the Lord) each and every day. Sunday is not enough, we need Him every day and every moment.

Ok, so on to today. So many people want to know about my marriage. Well it ain't perfect I'll tell you that right upfront. I can honestly say that my husband and I have worked harder in this area than any other area of our lives. I think he'd agree with that. We met in junior high school. We were high school sweethearts. We both attended the same college (Appalachian State ... yes we beat Michigan in football last year and yes we have been the National Football Champions in our division 3 years in a row. Can you tell I'm a bit of a football fanatic?). We married 1 month after I graduated. We have 4 beautiful children and the cutest little doggie you ever did see. We have a nice home that we love. Sounds like a fairytale doesn't it? And that's what I wanted, a fairy tale.

Honestly, when I met Jeff, I was in need of a rescue. He swept me off my feet, loved me, took care of me, and put up with me:) And he's continued to play the role of rescuer or knight in shining armour throughout our marriage. You know what's wrong with that? It's not fair and it's not truly possible. You probably know that too. No person can fulfill that role and I was unfair in expecting him to do that.

Over the years, we've experience many trials. Some involving the children. Others involving finances and jobs. We've also had individual trials. Some of these trials we've handled well. But some of them we, or at least I, have not handled well.

During 2007, our marriage was on the rocks. And I don't mean soft river pebble rocks, but the real sharp big boulder kind. I am not going to go into details here because we do have 4 children and we are dedicated to protecting our family and really the details don't matter. We both share in the responsibility of the breakdown, but it was me who really lost it. I shut down as a wife. I was not there for my husband. I quit listening to him, communicating honestly with him, and supporting him the way he needed supporting. Shame, blame, and fear once again took over. I don't blame my past for these recurring feelings, but at the same time I had to wonder what hold the past had on me. Finally for the first time in my life, I entered counseling. Boy, do I wish I'd done that 20+ years ago! That was by far one of the smartest things I've ever done because I needed it. Jeff and I also entered marriage counseling.

Through marriage counseling we dealt with our issues honestly and openly. We also discovered that our love languages were different. Here are the top 5 ways I feel love, in order:

1. Words, written and spoken
2. Physical Touch- non sexual
3. Quality Time
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch- sexual

Here are the top 5 ways Jeff feels love, in order:

1. Physical Touch- sexual
2. Quality Time
3. Physical Touch- non sexual
4. Acts of Service
5. Words, written and spoken

Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.....red flag appears....lights begin flashing....My #1 is his #5. His #5 is my #1. Go figure. We could have a problem here.

Now I knew about the love languages (and forgive me if I've left one out), but I never took the time to really examine the difference they could make in my marriage. When both of us began focusing on how the other felt loved, this changed our marriage drastically! Both of us were committed to change. Both of us were committed to make our marriage work. I know I will hear from some of you who are in a marriage where your husband isn't willing to work or he is not there for you. I know because I've heard from you before and it breaks my heart. I'm so sorry. All I can say is no matter who you are or what condition your marriage or any other relationship is in, your #1 relationship has to be with the Lord in order for you to feel whole and complete. I know there is still sadness and a void. I haven't been there, but I try to understand your feelings too. I hope I wrote that ok.

I am happy to report that my marriage is thriving right now. (note, thriving doesn't mean perfect and every problem solved...we are a work in progress, but we are happy right now.) I hope my husband would agree. We are being intentional about making sure we have time together, like date nights weekly (even if the date is in our bedroom because we are saving $) and moments sitting together in the early morning or after work. We are committed to each other and the legacy of our family. We began praying for each other 3 times a day too. He gives me his prayer requests and I give him mine. And we would not hesitate to enter counseling again if it were needed. In fact, we'd go a lot sooner. Personally, I think everyone needs a good Christian counseling session for themselves or as a couple every now and then. It's kind of like a tune up. That's just my personal opinion, I'm not telling anyone they need help:)

One thing we never lost was hope. That is one of my all time favorite words now. Last year I watched God take an ounce of hope and multiply it. Little by little I watched it increase in my life. Hope is a beautiful thing that God has an abundance of. Take it sweet friends and hang on to it.

I will probably continue to write about this and also base my upcoming posts on my blogs on your responses and questions. I read every single thing you write me and I treasure your words.

Oh, yea, I said I'd give something away didn't I? There is a book by Sheri Rose Shepherd titled, His Princess, Love Letters From Your King. It is a beautiful book filled with letters from God to the reader. There is hardly a day that goes by that I don't pick this book up and read something from it. We sell it here at Proverbs 31, so if you don't win it, you may want to consider purchasing it. It really is amazing. Just by posting on this blog today, you are entered. Make sure you let me know how I can reach you or at least put a name and you can check back tomorrow to see if you've won and we can get in touch. If you aren't interested or don't want to win, let me know that too.

Before I sign off, repeat after me: "I am beautiful" "I am loved unconditionally" "I may not feel it, but I know it, because I am a daughter of the almighty King, I am royalty, I am a princess" "No one, no thing, no past, no present, no future can EVER take that away from me" "God's promises are true for me, He loves me always NO MATTER WHAT"!!!!!! Now go and be blessed because of that!!!!

Sorry I was so long winded. I also have the spiritual gift of gab:)

Love and Blessings,

Melissa

****I want to thank you Jeff for allowing me to share the pain and joy of our journey. I know it's not easy on either of us to look back and I'm so thankful for you. I love you with all of my heart. Maybe through sharing we are making a difference in another life or marriage. I look forward to each day with you and I can't wait until this Friday night! :) We may even have to get a little "Mud on the Tires"......... I thank God for blessing me with you as a friend, husband, and father of my children.