I Tried to Cry Today

I have been needing a good cry for a while now. But the tears have not come. Why? Why not? I don't know.

My sister called me today. She let out a cry of regret. She confessed to me that she has not been a good daughter to our mother. And she is hurting today because of it. (now I don't agree with her...and neither does our mother, but she is recounting her past and feeling bad about it....I do know what that feels like.)

You see, my mom has been diagnosed with Stage 4 Lung Cancer. It has been a major wake up call to my family. We knew life was precious and a gift, but that has been magnified times 1000! Now it's my mom they are talking about. I'm not ready for this.

Usually, I'm the crier in the family. I easily cry. Not Tricia, my sister. She's the strong one. The tough girl who can take it. With the latest trial in our lives though, our roles are reversed. She's crying like crazy and I haven't been able to cry at all....and that bothers me. I feel like crying. I don't know if I'm ignoring my feelings or just trying to stand strong. Just when I feel like I could let it all go, I don't. I think I'm partially numb and also partially scared and mad and sad and just in disbelief. Not my mother. No, please. I need her too much.

I have never been through anything like this in my life. And I don't like it one bit. Please pray for my mom. She's such an amazing mom.

Love,

Melissa

I support the President

I am not going to tell you who I voted for. I don't think it matters at this point. But I believe, with all my heart, if you want to be beautiful in America, you need to support our leader. It doesn't mean you voted for him. It doesn't mean you agree with everything he does. But it does mean that you pray for him and continue to pray for him. Lift him up to God and trust God with His provision for our country.

So, Barack Obama, you have my prayers. I will be praying for you and your family and your leadership over our country. God chose you long ago. And I trust God.

Be Blessed,

Melissa

Wonderful Weekend!

Why do wonderful weekends have to end?

I don't work on Fridays anymore, so my weekends seem a little longer...or at least I have a little more time at home. This week/weekend was one of those special ones.

Tuesday, my mom came to visit for the afternoon. We had such a great time. She's still waiting to start her chemo and we just value each moment with her so much.

Wednesday, I drove to Greenville to pick up my dad. He visited with us until Sunday and it was great to have him here. The first night he was here, we carved our pumpkin. Here are me and my sweet kids.

Thursday, Hayden's football team, the South Charlotte Shockers, FINALLY won their first game. They are no longer 0-5, but 1-5. And do you know why???? Because I brought the Cowbell...yes that's right. It had nothing to do with outplaying the other team. It was the first time I brought the Cowbell. I was loud, vocal, and obnoxious. And we won. Yeah!

Friday I was off work. My dad and I spent the day together shopping. And Friday night we went Trick or Treating with the kids. We had such a great time. We went to Jeff's parents' neighborhood. After trick or treating, we watched the Appalachian/Wofford football game. Yes, we dominated! 70-24, we won. Good times.

Saturday, the winning streak continued. It is very rare that all my teams win, but this weekend they did. Florida beat Georgia (big time!) and South Carolina beat Tennessee! And we went to a fun party hosted by our good friends Kenny and Denise. The kids got to dress up and it was so fun! Here are Hayley Grace and Sydney...or actually 2 enchanted witches!

Sunday, we woke up an hour late (loved that with the time change) and went to church. Then we took my dad back to Greenville, SC. While there, we visited my Aunt June and Uncle Doug. It was a great ending to a great week.

When weeks like this end, I feel quite bittersweet. It's bitter because it had to end and it was good. It's sweet, because there were terrific memories made and I wish I could freeze time and hold on to them.

Honestly, since my mom was diagnosed with cancer, I just have come to realize how precious time and life it. I mean, I always thought it. But now I just want to hold on to it. I want to appreciate and grasp what a gift life is. I never doubted the gift of life from God, but now that we are facing the possibility of death, it has become more precious to me. It should have been that way all along.

My article in the P31 Woman has gotten great response so far. Not so much for my writing ability, but just for sharing a struggle that so many deal with...anxiety and depression. I have received a lot of confirmation that voicing my struggles with it was a good thing. Thank you God! I was so nervous about it!

Well, I need to run. We are watching home movies tonight. I'm so thankful for a great week and weekend. And my family. And my friends.

Pray for the election tomorrow. It's a big one, but I'm not worried because I know God Who is in control.

Blessings,

Melissa

Freedom to Heal

I've been writing devotions for years now. They've been published online and in the book, God's Purpose for Every Woman. I love to write for pleasure, like in a journal, blog, email, or Facebook. And now, for the first time, I have my writing in a magazine....The P31 Woman. My picture is on the cover and there's a picture of my family inside.

The November issue is out and I chose to write about a tough subject. The title of the ariticle is "Freedom to Heal". It is about my journey from emotional turmoil to peace. I am so excited about this article. First of all, I hope it will in some way help others who struggle with anxiety and depression. I also hope it will help those who struggle with guilt from being on medication. And maybe most importantly, I'm excited about this article because it is my story. I had perfected the mask I wore hiding a very frustrated and insecure woman. Now it's off and I'm ok with who I am. And not afraid to admit that "yes, I have anxiety issues, I have been depressed, and I needed help." If you'd like to read about it, check out the November issue of the P31 Woman. (Proverbs 31, 704-849-2270) Or if you have a comment to share about the article or your own story, I would love to hear from you either here on my blog or by emailing me at Melissa@MelissaTaylor.org.

I want to thank 3 people who contributed in a great way to this article. Amy Brooke (who also has an article in this issue), Joy Brown, and Samantha Reed. You all know what you did, but also just your sweet friendship and faith in me was a big boost. Thank you so much.

Above all, I give all thanks and credit to God. He has given purpose to my pain and provided healing to my soul. He gave me the confidence to write about my insecurities and I pray He will use it all for His glory and purpose.

I have to admit, I was so nervous about writing this article. It's not easy to admit that you have suffered with emotional or mental issues. But I'm glad I did it.

If you get the chance to read it, let me know what you think.

Blessings,

Melissa

Who Knew? Not me!

Before last summer, it had been 15-17 years since I had read a novel. Now I was reading. And I read a lot. But they were books that educated me, taught me, directed me, encouraged me, or equipped me. I've read mostly Bible study books and topical help me books. I love to read and I love to read about God growing in my faith. I quit reading fiction/novels because I felt like they were trashing up my mind. At least the ones I used to read were. I knew there were Christian novels, but I assumed they would be boring. I hate writing that, but I'm being honest. I'm so estatic and excited that I was WRONG!!!!!

In August I read my first Christian novel. It was Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers. I couldn't put it down. It was filled with love, romance, and it had an edge. It took me away just like novels and soap operas used to do. My love for "reading for pleasure" was renewed.

The next book I picked up was Redemption by Karen Kingsbury. I was drawn in again. This time I was blessed by the surprise that this was the first in a series of books about the Baxter family. I've read 5 more books by KK since, all about the same family, who I have fallen in love with.

What has most surprised me is that while I picked up these fiction books to escape from real life, they have become encouraging, inspiring, counseling, and like a role model family to me. This fictional family has become a great example to me of dealing with life and all of its problems. They have become a great example of God's forgiveness, cleansing, redemption, and love. I am hooked!

Have you noticed that I haven't blogged on any of my blogs lately???? I have been busy. And I have had a lot going on. But I've also been reading!

Who knew? Not me! But I'm glad I do now! And I'm going to keep reading.

I just started Forgiven now and I need to go now because I'm very anxious to find out if Ashley and Landon will have a baby and know if Dayne will find Katy and his family in Bloomington when he's there filming his movie.

:) Hugs, Smiles, and Happy Reading,

Melissa

Dealing With Real Life

My, life has thrown a few curve balls lately, but doesn't it always???? Yes it does.

I honestly don't know how people survive without a faith in God. I really don't. Because if God isn't real, then we are just doomed and there is nothing to live for. But I know God is real and there is everything to live for!

Life is very tough at times. Kids struggling. Finances. Time to do all that is needed. Mom has cancer. Yes, life is tough. But, I've learned to deal with it. That doesn't mean that I don't struggle, cry, or dislike what comes my way. But it means that I take care of myself and have learned how to deal with hard times. At least for now.

Things I do to deal:

1. Pray. I hate when people say that "all we can do is pray". "All we can do is pray" is A LOT!!!! It's our honor and privilege to pray. Prayer brings peace and comfort to any situation.

2. Read. Find comfort first in the Scriptures. But also take time for enjoyment and relaxation. I have read a few novels lately that have not only taken me away but also ministrered to me because they were stories of value. I love reading.

3. Spend time with family and friends. And do not take for granted sweet times together.

4. Watch football. I love football and it takes my mind off my problems.

5. Count my blessings.

6. Seek counseling when needed. Don't let that be a sign of weakness, but strength.

7. Watch movies. Fun and enjoyable ones.

8. Come up with a plan. Don't ignore life or it's problems. Be proactive. Come up with a plan. Involve someone else in your plan so you aren't alone.

9. Ask God for help and guidance.

10. Keep on keepin' on. Don't stop or shut down. Keep talking. Keep going to church. Keep believing. Sing.

Yes, that's how I survive. Life is a gift. Our life has purpose. Each life has a purpose. We live, laugh, cry, and carry on.

How do you deal with real life?

I'd love to hear.

Take care.
Love,

Melissa

Hey!

Thanks for the prayers and sweet notes. For an update on my mom, click http://www.beautifulp31.blogspot.com/


I love you and I'm so thankful for you!