She Speaks begins for me TODAY!!!! And it couldn't come at a better time! The week of this conference fuels me. Even though I usually leave the conference exhausted physically and mentally and emotionally, I am filled to overflowing spiritually.
Our Speaker Team meets today. Many of us haven't seen each other in over a year. We have training, team time, and business during the day for the next 2 days before the conference actually begins, but our nights are relatively free with plenty of built in time for fun and bonding. Usually way too many laughs and late nights!
The Conference will begin Friday morning. I begin Friday as a P31 Staff member working the crazy registration area. I end Friday and work the remainder to of the conference as a Speaker Team Member. The session I'm teaching is Saturday afternoon and I'm evaluating a beginners speaking group. Truly I say, the evaluation group is my favorite part. I love being a part of encouraging these women to go after their dreams. It is a joy and delight for me.
This conference is going to be fabulous. Many great sessions, speakers, writers, publishers, and we even have Cheri Keaggy doing our music this year and Jennifer Rothschild speaking Saturday night. Wow!
To keep you updated, I'll try to blog, but I'll definitely be "tweetin'" from the conference all week long. The tweets (from Twitter) appear in the left hand column of this blog. You can also join in on the Twitter, by signing up at www.Twitter.com . Many of our speakers and even Proverbs 31 have started twittering during the day to keep up with each other. It's seems silly, but it's fun.
I have said a prayer for anyone who reads this today. May your days be blessed and may you experience the joy of the Lord greatly in your life!
Love and big hugs,
Melissa
***Sharon Sloan if you read this, I will miss your OTC hug this year ;)
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Monday, July 27, 2009
Mom is Home
I posted on Mom's CaringBridge site tonight. Here is the post:
__________________________________________________________________
Hi Everyone. It's Monday evening. This has been my first opportunity to write. I'm home for the first time in a while.
As you know, Mom came home to her house in Rock Hill, SC last Friday, July 24th. It was a celebration. A real homecoming in the waiting. After 38 days in the hospital, 4 surgeries, numerous procedures, and many doctors, Mom came home. I honestly don't think the 5th floor of CMC knows what to do without her!
While returning home, has been a good thing, honestly, it's also been a hard thing. All those things we used to press the red call button and have the nurse do...well guess what? She doesn't come any more. Mom rings a bell (a lot) and whoever is "on call" (either me or Bud this last weekend) come to do whatever is needed. And that has been more than I ever thought myself capable to do. Wow. Procedures I used to have to leave the room for because of my weak stomach, I am now doing myself. Bud and I went through a crash course of Wound Care, Dressing Changes, Ostomy Bag Changes, Treating infection, Assisiting a patient in using a walker, etc etc etc. I actually think I could be a nurse now. :)
Mom is doing ok. She's glad to be home. She's walking around with the help of a walker a few times a day. But she is also frustrated and feeling defeated. Everything is such an effort for her.
If you can give her a call, please do. Often when she's on the phone or occupied with a visit she forgets the pain she's in or what she's going through.
I had to leave Mom tonight. I have a big conference that I'm working this week and weekend. Jeff's Mom, Pat, is going to be with Mom the next 2 days. Buddy's daughter, Michele will be helping out a few days also. And then Mom's sister, Gloria is coming next Sunday for a few days. And of course Bud is there most of the time. We've learned it's a full time job. Caring for Mom, cooking, cleaning, keeping up with the billing and prescriptions and appointments, etc.
A home health care nurse also comes out a few times a week.
Thank you so much for your continued love and support. I for one don't think I could do this without it. You all have carried me. And I read your comments to Mom and it lets her know that she is not forgotten. She misses life as she knows it. Your comments let her know that life is going on and she is a part of it.
I'm not sure when this will updated again. I'll try to get the "helpers" to update during the week, but who knows. I'll be back next week sometime.
Much Love From Becky,
Melissa
___________________________________________________________________
That was my CaringBridge update. Mom is home.
This has been such a hard week. I'm trying to get geared up for She Speaks. Usually She Speaks has occupied my every thought. Only this year, it has paled in comparison to what I've been dealing with in real life. It's just as important. But I trust that God will handle every detail of the conference....even my session on Saturday. He is capable of that, right? Of course!
It's been rather comical. My email has revealed nervous speakers and attendees to the conference. And I understand. However, in comparison, I've just trusted God to handle what I couldn't, which was the She Speaks Conference. I know for a fact that He will take care of it all.
This conference will undoubtably be the best ever. I know because it gets better and better each year. I believe that Satan would like for me to be distracted by what's going on with my Mom. but I'm not. I have learned to trust Him more than ever.
I'm home now. For the first time in a week. I've missed my husband and my kids. And I miss Mom tonight, but I'm so happy to be home tonight. And I know God is taking care of her. How silly of me to think that I was the only one capable of taking care of her. :)
Good Night Friends,
Melissa
__________________________________________________________________
Hi Everyone. It's Monday evening. This has been my first opportunity to write. I'm home for the first time in a while.
As you know, Mom came home to her house in Rock Hill, SC last Friday, July 24th. It was a celebration. A real homecoming in the waiting. After 38 days in the hospital, 4 surgeries, numerous procedures, and many doctors, Mom came home. I honestly don't think the 5th floor of CMC knows what to do without her!
While returning home, has been a good thing, honestly, it's also been a hard thing. All those things we used to press the red call button and have the nurse do...well guess what? She doesn't come any more. Mom rings a bell (a lot) and whoever is "on call" (either me or Bud this last weekend) come to do whatever is needed. And that has been more than I ever thought myself capable to do. Wow. Procedures I used to have to leave the room for because of my weak stomach, I am now doing myself. Bud and I went through a crash course of Wound Care, Dressing Changes, Ostomy Bag Changes, Treating infection, Assisiting a patient in using a walker, etc etc etc. I actually think I could be a nurse now. :)
Mom is doing ok. She's glad to be home. She's walking around with the help of a walker a few times a day. But she is also frustrated and feeling defeated. Everything is such an effort for her.
If you can give her a call, please do. Often when she's on the phone or occupied with a visit she forgets the pain she's in or what she's going through.
I had to leave Mom tonight. I have a big conference that I'm working this week and weekend. Jeff's Mom, Pat, is going to be with Mom the next 2 days. Buddy's daughter, Michele will be helping out a few days also. And then Mom's sister, Gloria is coming next Sunday for a few days. And of course Bud is there most of the time. We've learned it's a full time job. Caring for Mom, cooking, cleaning, keeping up with the billing and prescriptions and appointments, etc.
A home health care nurse also comes out a few times a week.
Thank you so much for your continued love and support. I for one don't think I could do this without it. You all have carried me. And I read your comments to Mom and it lets her know that she is not forgotten. She misses life as she knows it. Your comments let her know that life is going on and she is a part of it.
I'm not sure when this will updated again. I'll try to get the "helpers" to update during the week, but who knows. I'll be back next week sometime.
Much Love From Becky,
Melissa
___________________________________________________________________
That was my CaringBridge update. Mom is home.
This has been such a hard week. I'm trying to get geared up for She Speaks. Usually She Speaks has occupied my every thought. Only this year, it has paled in comparison to what I've been dealing with in real life. It's just as important. But I trust that God will handle every detail of the conference....even my session on Saturday. He is capable of that, right? Of course!
It's been rather comical. My email has revealed nervous speakers and attendees to the conference. And I understand. However, in comparison, I've just trusted God to handle what I couldn't, which was the She Speaks Conference. I know for a fact that He will take care of it all.
This conference will undoubtably be the best ever. I know because it gets better and better each year. I believe that Satan would like for me to be distracted by what's going on with my Mom. but I'm not. I have learned to trust Him more than ever.
I'm home now. For the first time in a week. I've missed my husband and my kids. And I miss Mom tonight, but I'm so happy to be home tonight. And I know God is taking care of her. How silly of me to think that I was the only one capable of taking care of her. :)
Good Night Friends,
Melissa
Monday, July 20, 2009
Freedom
Galatians 5:1- It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.
Free- Yes, Christ has set us free. He did this by His own death. It was the toughest and most painful of sacrifices, yet He considered us worth it. And he did it, so that we would experience freedom. The opposite of freedom is captivity or bondage. If we feel held against our will, then we are not experiencing the freedom that Christ intended.
This was me for many years. I've been captive to people, relationships, feelings, food, exercise, perfection, lonliness, positions/roles, and my own thoughts. It has taken (and still takes) a constant effort and reminder to myself that I am no longer a slave to such things. Jesus is my Master and I am free. Not guilty. Not condemned. Not needing anything or anyone else to complete me.
Often people fight for freedom. We don't have to. The battle was won for us. Christ did it all.
Stand firm- This tells me that Paul, who wrote this verse, is saying that we can't just relax. We have to stand firm. Stand firm...on solid ground, not waivering, holding on tight so we won't easily be blown over or down. Standing firm takes effort and it means we must take a stand and stick with it. Make a decision and never look back.
Again- The fact that Paul says, "Do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery" tells me that we will be burdened (or attempted to be burdened) again by the same things. The same strongholds that Satan had over us are going to be the same ones he uses again and again to get to us. That's why we were just told to stand firm!
I hope you are encouraged by this verse. I've decided to go back through "Breaking Free" by Beth Moore again and use it in my quiet time for the rest of the summer. This verse was in the introduction and I have used it all day long in making decisions and reminding myself of my amazing freedom in Christ! I take it for granted too much. I turn to other means for comfort too much. This is not right. It makes me a slave to whatever I turn to. I don't want any part of that.
It is for freedom that I am free in Christ. I will stand firm then, and I won't let myself be burdened again by a yoke of slavery!
Christ gave up everything for me and you. Let's stand firm and make Him glad He did!
Sweet Love in Christ,
Melissa
Free- Yes, Christ has set us free. He did this by His own death. It was the toughest and most painful of sacrifices, yet He considered us worth it. And he did it, so that we would experience freedom. The opposite of freedom is captivity or bondage. If we feel held against our will, then we are not experiencing the freedom that Christ intended.
This was me for many years. I've been captive to people, relationships, feelings, food, exercise, perfection, lonliness, positions/roles, and my own thoughts. It has taken (and still takes) a constant effort and reminder to myself that I am no longer a slave to such things. Jesus is my Master and I am free. Not guilty. Not condemned. Not needing anything or anyone else to complete me.
Often people fight for freedom. We don't have to. The battle was won for us. Christ did it all.
Stand firm- This tells me that Paul, who wrote this verse, is saying that we can't just relax. We have to stand firm. Stand firm...on solid ground, not waivering, holding on tight so we won't easily be blown over or down. Standing firm takes effort and it means we must take a stand and stick with it. Make a decision and never look back.
Again- The fact that Paul says, "Do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery" tells me that we will be burdened (or attempted to be burdened) again by the same things. The same strongholds that Satan had over us are going to be the same ones he uses again and again to get to us. That's why we were just told to stand firm!
I hope you are encouraged by this verse. I've decided to go back through "Breaking Free" by Beth Moore again and use it in my quiet time for the rest of the summer. This verse was in the introduction and I have used it all day long in making decisions and reminding myself of my amazing freedom in Christ! I take it for granted too much. I turn to other means for comfort too much. This is not right. It makes me a slave to whatever I turn to. I don't want any part of that.
It is for freedom that I am free in Christ. I will stand firm then, and I won't let myself be burdened again by a yoke of slavery!
Christ gave up everything for me and you. Let's stand firm and make Him glad He did!
Sweet Love in Christ,
Melissa
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Finally, a breakdown!
I've been doing really good. Even though life around me has been out of control, I really have been at peace. In fact, I couldn't even figure out how I've kept it so together.
My mom was in Surgical Trauma ICU for 3 days. My dad got married without much notice. I wasn't even invited to the wedding. Blake got contacts. Hayden got his braces off. Dylan is still having ear trouble and seeing a specialist. I still work every day. I still spend every other night in the hospital. I miss my family. Jeff has either a groin pull or a hernea. I miss my husband. We are super busy at the office getting ready for She Speaks, a conference which I am heavily involved for 5 days at the end of the month. With that said, I've been taking it one moment at a time. Sleeping has been light. I fall asleep, I awake. I'm real tired. And truth be told, I'm worried about my Mom. She's been in the hospital for 4 weeks.
I guess it was only a matter of time. I could at times feel tears, but they would never come. I think there are many reasons for this and I'll share them with you:
1. I KNOW God is in control. I trust Him completely.
2. I don't have time to break down. I have to go from home to work to hospital to work to home to hospital to work....etc.
3. Everyone else in my family breaks down. I need to keep it together. For my mom. For her husband. For my sister. For my kids.
4. God tells me to worry about nothing and pray about everything. I'm trying to do that.
Well, finally, I broke. And it didn't take much to bring it on.
Yesterday at work, a co-worker, who will remain unamed, was in a bad mood and trying to beat a deadline. She had a phone call and I buzzed her office. She said, "Leave me alone!" Well, that was it. That did it. I started crying. Ok, I know what you are thinking.....drama! As I write I can't even believe that's what did it. But it did. I started crying and I couldn't quit.
It was a long time until I went to sleep last night. Not because of my co-worker who snapped at me. I knew that wasn't personal. It was just because I was at the end of my rope. It was time. I needed to let out all that emotion. Each time I would fall asleep. I would soon wake up. I just couldn't get into a deep sleep. Finally at 2:30am I got up to let the dog out. I could hear her running around the bedroom. When I got up and headed for the door, I stepped barefooted into a pile of poop. Thanks Maggie! Geez. Can't a girl catch a break here?
I finally fell asleep around 3:00 am. I didn't wake up until 11:00 am. Thank God I work in a place that is filled with loving and understanding women. I'm supposed to be there by 9:00 am. That just hasn't been happening lately. I called in and they told me to take my time.
I am feeling much better tonight. I got it out. I'm not altogether with it, but I do feel better.
God has provided. I'm not surprised. I am very grateful. Even though I have my times of weakness, He has been there to lift me back up. I trust Him fully. I could not do this without Him. Just when I think life is impossible, He reminds me that nothing is impossible for Him.
Do you trust God? If you are having difficulty trusting God in your life right now, please do share with me. And if you have a story of how you trusted God in a difficult time, please share that too. Your stories inspire me.
If you are interested in reading the latest update on my Mom, click here: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/beckynunn1/journal
Blessings,
Melissa
My mom was in Surgical Trauma ICU for 3 days. My dad got married without much notice. I wasn't even invited to the wedding. Blake got contacts. Hayden got his braces off. Dylan is still having ear trouble and seeing a specialist. I still work every day. I still spend every other night in the hospital. I miss my family. Jeff has either a groin pull or a hernea. I miss my husband. We are super busy at the office getting ready for She Speaks, a conference which I am heavily involved for 5 days at the end of the month. With that said, I've been taking it one moment at a time. Sleeping has been light. I fall asleep, I awake. I'm real tired. And truth be told, I'm worried about my Mom. She's been in the hospital for 4 weeks.
I guess it was only a matter of time. I could at times feel tears, but they would never come. I think there are many reasons for this and I'll share them with you:
1. I KNOW God is in control. I trust Him completely.
2. I don't have time to break down. I have to go from home to work to hospital to work to home to hospital to work....etc.
3. Everyone else in my family breaks down. I need to keep it together. For my mom. For her husband. For my sister. For my kids.
4. God tells me to worry about nothing and pray about everything. I'm trying to do that.
Well, finally, I broke. And it didn't take much to bring it on.
Yesterday at work, a co-worker, who will remain unamed, was in a bad mood and trying to beat a deadline. She had a phone call and I buzzed her office. She said, "Leave me alone!" Well, that was it. That did it. I started crying. Ok, I know what you are thinking.....drama! As I write I can't even believe that's what did it. But it did. I started crying and I couldn't quit.
It was a long time until I went to sleep last night. Not because of my co-worker who snapped at me. I knew that wasn't personal. It was just because I was at the end of my rope. It was time. I needed to let out all that emotion. Each time I would fall asleep. I would soon wake up. I just couldn't get into a deep sleep. Finally at 2:30am I got up to let the dog out. I could hear her running around the bedroom. When I got up and headed for the door, I stepped barefooted into a pile of poop. Thanks Maggie! Geez. Can't a girl catch a break here?
I finally fell asleep around 3:00 am. I didn't wake up until 11:00 am. Thank God I work in a place that is filled with loving and understanding women. I'm supposed to be there by 9:00 am. That just hasn't been happening lately. I called in and they told me to take my time.
I am feeling much better tonight. I got it out. I'm not altogether with it, but I do feel better.
God has provided. I'm not surprised. I am very grateful. Even though I have my times of weakness, He has been there to lift me back up. I trust Him fully. I could not do this without Him. Just when I think life is impossible, He reminds me that nothing is impossible for Him.
Do you trust God? If you are having difficulty trusting God in your life right now, please do share with me. And if you have a story of how you trusted God in a difficult time, please share that too. Your stories inspire me.
If you are interested in reading the latest update on my Mom, click here: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/beckynunn1/journal
Blessings,
Melissa
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Phil 4:6-7, Josh 1:9, Matt 6:34
Don't worry. Pray. Receive peace. Be strong. Don't be afraid. The Lord is with you WHEREVER you go. Don't worry about tomorrow. Trust the Lord one day at a time.
There ya go! Just summed up the 4 verses listed above. These 4 verses have more than carried me and kept me calm during this very stormy time of my life. The storms have been raging and they've been totally out of my control. Of course the greatest storm, Hurricane Mama Has Cancer has brought the most stress and strain to my already challenging life. Do you wonder what I mean by challenging? Well, take a peak at my today.
On the way to the hospital today, Blake read me my morning devotion. It began with these words: "Stop worrying long enough to hear My voice." Well, he could've stopped right there. It's all I needed to hear. Just that reminder grounded me once again. I have been filled with peace (see previous post) during Hurricane Mama Has Cancer even though it's been everything but peaceful! Well, maybe I haven't ben filled with peace the whole time, but in the past month I have. The Lord has provided. Don't know why I doubt, ever. Besides the trial with Mom, life in general has been quite busy and unpredictable.
1. Get woken up by Dylan, my 12 yr old son, in severe pain. Fever 102. Ear swollen shut. (had to make an appt. to see doctor again. Then she sent him to ENT) Thank God Jeff could get him to his first appt and Jeff's mom got him to his 2nd.)
2. Go down stairs to make breakfast for the 8 kids sleeping in my house. On the way down, Becca, my niece, is looking pretty green. I said, "are you ok?" She said, "I think I'm going to throw up." And she did. After that she said she felt fine. Lovely.
3. Needed to get the kids (who were well) up to the hospital to see Mom before surgery. We took 2 cars because I was going to be staying at the hospital all day and night. Jeff and the kids visited and then left around 11. Jeff had to go back home and get Dylan for his ear appt. (see #1)
4. Mom was in her room until 12:30. Before she left for pre op, I prayed with her. She kept telling us all how much she loved us. She had tears in her eyes.
5. Denise got to the hospital right before Mom left. She and I went to the chapel. It was quiet and peaceful. We talked then prayed. I am still filled with peace. My Father has given that to me. I just love Him so much.
6. 6 hours later, still in the waiting room. My sister, Tricia is here too and my stepfather, Bud. Denise just left and Donna is on her way. I have such great friends. The surgery should last about 3 more hours.
7. Now I'm writing this blogpost as I wait.
If you are struggling with peace in your life in the midst of your uncontrollable circumstances, take a look at the 3 passages of Scripture I've referred to here. God is so very good. I love that He cares so much and I'm thankful He's given me the calm in the storm. I am only looking at this moment. I'm not looking ahead. I'm trusting Him for today. That mentality is working quite well.
I'll sign off here for now. Gotta tweet, FB, and check my email. Obsessive? Maybe. Good for passing time in the waiting room? Definitely.
Love to all my friends. Love y'all to pieces!
Love,
Melissa
There ya go! Just summed up the 4 verses listed above. These 4 verses have more than carried me and kept me calm during this very stormy time of my life. The storms have been raging and they've been totally out of my control. Of course the greatest storm, Hurricane Mama Has Cancer has brought the most stress and strain to my already challenging life. Do you wonder what I mean by challenging? Well, take a peak at my today.
On the way to the hospital today, Blake read me my morning devotion. It began with these words: "Stop worrying long enough to hear My voice." Well, he could've stopped right there. It's all I needed to hear. Just that reminder grounded me once again. I have been filled with peace (see previous post) during Hurricane Mama Has Cancer even though it's been everything but peaceful! Well, maybe I haven't ben filled with peace the whole time, but in the past month I have. The Lord has provided. Don't know why I doubt, ever. Besides the trial with Mom, life in general has been quite busy and unpredictable.
1. Get woken up by Dylan, my 12 yr old son, in severe pain. Fever 102. Ear swollen shut. (had to make an appt. to see doctor again. Then she sent him to ENT) Thank God Jeff could get him to his first appt and Jeff's mom got him to his 2nd.)
2. Go down stairs to make breakfast for the 8 kids sleeping in my house. On the way down, Becca, my niece, is looking pretty green. I said, "are you ok?" She said, "I think I'm going to throw up." And she did. After that she said she felt fine. Lovely.
3. Needed to get the kids (who were well) up to the hospital to see Mom before surgery. We took 2 cars because I was going to be staying at the hospital all day and night. Jeff and the kids visited and then left around 11. Jeff had to go back home and get Dylan for his ear appt. (see #1)
4. Mom was in her room until 12:30. Before she left for pre op, I prayed with her. She kept telling us all how much she loved us. She had tears in her eyes.
5. Denise got to the hospital right before Mom left. She and I went to the chapel. It was quiet and peaceful. We talked then prayed. I am still filled with peace. My Father has given that to me. I just love Him so much.
6. 6 hours later, still in the waiting room. My sister, Tricia is here too and my stepfather, Bud. Denise just left and Donna is on her way. I have such great friends. The surgery should last about 3 more hours.
7. Now I'm writing this blogpost as I wait.
If you are struggling with peace in your life in the midst of your uncontrollable circumstances, take a look at the 3 passages of Scripture I've referred to here. God is so very good. I love that He cares so much and I'm thankful He's given me the calm in the storm. I am only looking at this moment. I'm not looking ahead. I'm trusting Him for today. That mentality is working quite well.
I'll sign off here for now. Gotta tweet, FB, and check my email. Obsessive? Maybe. Good for passing time in the waiting room? Definitely.
Love to all my friends. Love y'all to pieces!
Love,
Melissa
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
I Am Humbled and Honored
I wasn't expecting to blog about this tonight. I was hoping to blog about Philippians 4:6-7. I've turned over my worries to prayers and truly God has replaced my fears with peace. I can't explain it, but I have the peace which surpasses all understanding. And I wanted to share that with my readers tonight.
Even though, I still have peace, my evening went much different than I expected.
I am here at the hospital with my Mom tonight. It's my turn to spend the night with her. Me and my sister are staying every other night. My Mom's journey has not gone how I would have wanted it to go, but we have found bright spots along the way. My Mom has had 5 surgeries in the past 3 weeks. There have been set backs. But I've managed to remain calm. I trust God. I put the situation in His Hands.
Tonight I was challenged. My Mom was sore and chaffed. I washed her full body. As I washed, she cried. She said, "No daughter should ever have to do this." However, I was honored to wash my mother. As I wiped the warm cloth over her body, I felt the love of Jesus saying, "I made this woman and I want her to feel clean. Thank you for washing her." It was my pleasure to wash her.
A little while later, an odor took over the room. Mom's colostomy bag had burst. Her linens and gown were soiled. She was embarrassed. I called for the nurse. 2 nurses came. They tended to Mom with care and allowed her to keep her dignity. I was so appreciative of that. They cleaned her up, changed her gown and sheets, and told her that everything was ok. They took their time in changing her bag, cleaning her up, and making her feel human and normal.
Yes, I have a peace that surpasses understanding, but I have to be honest. I hate what my Mom is going through. I hate it. I have never gone through anything like this in my life. I don't like that staying in the hospital almost feels normal. I don't like that I miss my family and our suburban lifestyle. I don't like that my Mom doesn't know what tomorrow will bring.
But God.
But God.
But God picked me. He picked me to have the honor to wash my Mom. He picked me to be humbled enough to clean her up. He picked me to have the calm and strength to be there for her. He picked me to have the priviledge to give back a little of what she's given to me over the years. And I am honored and humbled.
God is enough. I couldn't do what I'm doing, feel how I'm feeling, or get through what I am going through without Him. I have peace. And that is only from God.
Many Blessings and Much Love,
Melissa
****Mom has another surgery on Thursday, July 9th. Thank you for your prayers.
Even though, I still have peace, my evening went much different than I expected.
I am here at the hospital with my Mom tonight. It's my turn to spend the night with her. Me and my sister are staying every other night. My Mom's journey has not gone how I would have wanted it to go, but we have found bright spots along the way. My Mom has had 5 surgeries in the past 3 weeks. There have been set backs. But I've managed to remain calm. I trust God. I put the situation in His Hands.
Tonight I was challenged. My Mom was sore and chaffed. I washed her full body. As I washed, she cried. She said, "No daughter should ever have to do this." However, I was honored to wash my mother. As I wiped the warm cloth over her body, I felt the love of Jesus saying, "I made this woman and I want her to feel clean. Thank you for washing her." It was my pleasure to wash her.
A little while later, an odor took over the room. Mom's colostomy bag had burst. Her linens and gown were soiled. She was embarrassed. I called for the nurse. 2 nurses came. They tended to Mom with care and allowed her to keep her dignity. I was so appreciative of that. They cleaned her up, changed her gown and sheets, and told her that everything was ok. They took their time in changing her bag, cleaning her up, and making her feel human and normal.
Yes, I have a peace that surpasses understanding, but I have to be honest. I hate what my Mom is going through. I hate it. I have never gone through anything like this in my life. I don't like that staying in the hospital almost feels normal. I don't like that I miss my family and our suburban lifestyle. I don't like that my Mom doesn't know what tomorrow will bring.
But God.
But God.
But God picked me. He picked me to have the honor to wash my Mom. He picked me to be humbled enough to clean her up. He picked me to have the calm and strength to be there for her. He picked me to have the priviledge to give back a little of what she's given to me over the years. And I am honored and humbled.
God is enough. I couldn't do what I'm doing, feel how I'm feeling, or get through what I am going through without Him. I have peace. And that is only from God.
Many Blessings and Much Love,
Melissa
****Mom has another surgery on Thursday, July 9th. Thank you for your prayers.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
The Beach is Therapeutic
It is!!!! I've been here since Saturday, June 27th. Ahhh. From the moment I saw the surf and took a whif of the salty air, I was relaxed.
I'm with my husband's family. His parents. His grandmothers. His aunt. My children. What a blessing. As I watch all the interaction, I am just so thankful. We have age 7-91 here. How cool is that?
My family is great, but we have divorce on so many sides. We could never do a family beach trip involving so many generations. We have other great times, but a trip with 4 generations present will not happen on my side. I have been very observant on this trip. And I feel extremely blessed. I'm watching my family.....the interaction between the great grands and the grand kids. It's amazing. It's a blessing. I look at each one and think, "God created each one of these beautiful human beings for a purpose. And here they are together." I look at Hayley Grace, who is only 7, and watch her hold hands with her 86 year old great grandmother. It brings tears to my eyes. I hope I'm holding my great grand daughter's hand when I'm 86.
For the 1st 3 days here I literally, stayed in a beach surf chair during the day and just hung out with the family at night. Every day, I sat in a low seated beach chair where the water could wash up and cool me off. I read 2 books those 3 days. (A Bend in the Road and The Shack) "The Shack" overwhelmed me. In a good way. It has caused me to just talk to God nonstop. I love Him and I feel closer to Him. It is a must read in my opinion.
Before I came to the beach, I had been spending most nights at the hospital with my Mom. It was hard for me to leave her and come here. I felt a little guilty. Tricia, my sister, is now staying with Mom at night. Because she is here, I can be at the beach with my family. And oh, how I needed this.
We have celebrated 3 birthdays on this trip. Hayden turned 14 on June 29th. Big Granny turned 86 on July 1st. And Dylan turns 12 on July 2nd. Lots of cake, lots of celebration, lots of memories. Lots of treasures.
I feel like I have been to therapy, only therapy never felt so good. I needed this trip.
Tomorrow brings another day of surf, sand, wind, and relaxation. I hope to be able to relax and maybe even read another book before returning to reality!
Thank you for your prayers and love. Mom is still holding on.
Much Love,
Melissa
I'm with my husband's family. His parents. His grandmothers. His aunt. My children. What a blessing. As I watch all the interaction, I am just so thankful. We have age 7-91 here. How cool is that?
My family is great, but we have divorce on so many sides. We could never do a family beach trip involving so many generations. We have other great times, but a trip with 4 generations present will not happen on my side. I have been very observant on this trip. And I feel extremely blessed. I'm watching my family.....the interaction between the great grands and the grand kids. It's amazing. It's a blessing. I look at each one and think, "God created each one of these beautiful human beings for a purpose. And here they are together." I look at Hayley Grace, who is only 7, and watch her hold hands with her 86 year old great grandmother. It brings tears to my eyes. I hope I'm holding my great grand daughter's hand when I'm 86.
For the 1st 3 days here I literally, stayed in a beach surf chair during the day and just hung out with the family at night. Every day, I sat in a low seated beach chair where the water could wash up and cool me off. I read 2 books those 3 days. (A Bend in the Road and The Shack) "The Shack" overwhelmed me. In a good way. It has caused me to just talk to God nonstop. I love Him and I feel closer to Him. It is a must read in my opinion.
Before I came to the beach, I had been spending most nights at the hospital with my Mom. It was hard for me to leave her and come here. I felt a little guilty. Tricia, my sister, is now staying with Mom at night. Because she is here, I can be at the beach with my family. And oh, how I needed this.
We have celebrated 3 birthdays on this trip. Hayden turned 14 on June 29th. Big Granny turned 86 on July 1st. And Dylan turns 12 on July 2nd. Lots of cake, lots of celebration, lots of memories. Lots of treasures.
I feel like I have been to therapy, only therapy never felt so good. I needed this trip.
Tomorrow brings another day of surf, sand, wind, and relaxation. I hope to be able to relax and maybe even read another book before returning to reality!
Thank you for your prayers and love. Mom is still holding on.
Much Love,
Melissa
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